In the waiting, the same God who’s never late, is working all things out. These are lyrics from one of my favorite worship songs, and boy did it take me nearly a half a century to trust in these words! I am realizing that in my life at the moment I am in a season of waiting. A season of waiting on God to provide direction and focus for my life moving forward. And although I’ve come a long way since that day in 2017 I surrendered, there are moments of frustration that make me realize that God still has some more work to do with me on the subject of patience. See, the thing is, I have been a Christian since I was eleven years old when I asked Jesus to come into my heart. But like so many others who became a Christian at a young age, I eventually began to distance myself from God with decisions I was making in my life. My life was about me realizing I wanted something, and then me going after that something. Period. And here’s the thing, life seemed to be going pretty well for the most part, so I easily bought into the lie that I could handle my life just fine and could be in the driver seat and just bring God along for the ride so He would be around when I needed Him. I arrogantly thought I had this “life stuff” figured out all by myself. But oh my how very wrong I was. Fast forward through a few decades of living this way until one cold January day in 2017 when thankfully through God’s never-ending grace and mercy, I literally fell to my knees in desperation, crying out to God for help. By that time I had made a mess of my life in so many ways. I realized that the only way I was ever going to straighten it out was if I gave it all to Him. I had to give up my control. I had to realize that just because I want something doesn’t mean God wants me to have it. And that if He did want me to have what I wanted, it may not be in the same way I thought it would be. But get this, it would be even better. That’s the beauty of it all. Knowing this brings so much freedom to me just thinking about it. But believing this to be true still takes an enormous amount of trust and patience! I mean, if it were easy, we would all do a better job letting God have control of our lives. Giving up my control means I have to wait for a door to open before I walk through it, instead of just kicking the door down like I had done most of my life. I think what took so long for me to finally realize all this is that the negative consequences of me kicking the door down were not always noticeable in my life. In fact, many times, choosing to take matters into my own hands felt like the right decision and often also had a positive outcome. Of course, there were times I didn’t always get what I wanted, but on those times I didn’t, I still came close. Bottom line, It felt good, so what could be wrong with it? For the most part, kicking doors down seemed to be working out pretty good for me, or so I thought. Here’s what’s scary. Many times “earthly” success can still be achieved on our own merit up to a point. Yes, you heard me right, up to a point. The danger lies in the fact that until we reach that point it can be deceiving and a valuable tool for the enemy to keep us distanced from God, because the enemy wants nothing more than for us to think we can successfully do life on our own. But, if we continue to buy into the lies of the enemy never letting God have control, we can count on the fact that the lies will eventually surface in our lives. So Yes, I am in a season of waiting. And Yes, it can be very frustrating sometimes and test my patience for sure. But Yes, during this time of waiting I am full of more hope than ever because I know and believe by letting God have control of my life, what He has in store for me will be so much better than I could ever have on my own.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5-6